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...all of my life, In every season, You are still God and i have a reason to sing..i have a reason to worship...

That song by Hillsong is such a truthful testimony for my heart lately. God is so good and gracious and greater than I am and I am so very grateful. The beginning of this year I began having some health issues. Minor in the scheme of what "health issues" could consist of but still I knew something was not right. The beginning of 2010 we moved into our new home. I already felt the tug from God to take time away from my work to be more accessible while the kids got adjusted to all the newness of school, home, and neighborhood. It was a sensational summer sizzling next to the pool every single day and looking forward to starting a new school:)

...some shots of last year's sizzlin' summer...





Then it was here, the hustle bustle of August and riding the bus, reading and homework, and forming new friendships. Then, as usual, the holidays hurried in and left us just as quick as they came and then, Happy 2011!! Not long after that is when I saw and sensed a change in myself. Everything "seemed" to be "right." It was time for me to go back to work, just like I had planned. God had a different plan. There's a song by JJ Heller called Your Hands. ...when my world is shaking, Heaven stands ...when my heart is breaking, I never leave Your Hands..I know You hate to see me cry but one day You will set all things right... I listened to that song a lot during those first few weeks of weird rashes breaking out on my body, stomach pains, headaches, out of control heartbeat rhythms, weight loss and random fevers. All of which made it hard to function, let alone, force myself back into my 16 hour day profession.

...J's Surprise...

...Christian's 9th Birthday Party...

...Thanksgiving at Memaw's...

...the Nutcracker tradition...

...Christmas at Memaw's...

...Christmas at GiGi Pat's...


...i will walk by faith even when i cannot see.. because this broken road prepares Your will for me... Jeremy Camp sings it and it was the song that became my background music for my prayer and Bible reading time each day this Spring. I felt just awful. As a wife I felt like such a burden, not feeling good, not working and just looking pathetic. As a Mom I felt like the worst, no energy, sad, and moody. As a daughter and sister I felt inadequate, wanting to help but not having the energy to be bold and share what God was laying on my heart for each of them because of my own personal preoccupation. As a friend I just felt unavailable, with everything else, there was just nothing of me left.

...Justin's Deacon Ordination...




I finally hit a wall and gave in to Justin's urging to atleast see a dr for something. I chose a dermatologist since the skin rashes were the first symptoms. They put me on a ton of medication after diagnosing it an allergic reaction that snowballed into an infection. Summer was now shining through the windows but that was the only way I was able to savor it sadly. I was on medication morning, noon and night for the "infection" and sun was a no-no. Pure torture. Comfort #1 God removed. At the time I didn't see it that way and just kept looking with my own eyes at the surface. I wanted to get better, get a tan and get back to work:)

...Six Flags with Keshia and Ava...


...Sunny's 8th Birthday Party...


The week before school started I finally hit more than the wall but the wall along with rock bottom. ..in the pain there is healing and in Your name, i find meaning ..so i'm holding on, i'm holding on, i'm barely holding on to You.. i'm still looking for purpose but You're looking for life.. It's Broken by Lifehouse. I began that week with what would be a long stream of blood-work and never-ending tests. Comfort #2 God removed. Within that same month I mustered up all my energy to be there for some of the people I love more than the next breath I breathe and would without a shadow of doubt, would lay my life down at this very moment for any of them. They were each at different stages of love and life as we all have been at some point and needed to lay it all at Jesus' feet as we all have to do every single day. It didn't go as I prayed and I planned and painfully became Comfort #3 God removed.

Today I sit here realizing He didn't make us carbon copies or robots for so many reasons. He put us here for specific purpose. He put us here to have a personal relationship with HIm, first. And when that is truly first, everything else falls into the perfect place for each of us personally. Just last week we found out air in our home was "compromised" due to it being new construction in 2007 and sitting until 2010 when we moved in. Poor air quality which leads to "health issues." The comfort of home became removed Comfort #4. ..here am I, all of me.. take my life, it's all for Thee.. Take my Life by Passion. That's what He was trying to teach me all the while. They aren't just words, it takes action, consistent action and giving something away that we love and want to have control over is a painful process.

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." John 13:7 Those words. That beautiful and bold verse for us not to try and figure it out but to trust Him and then and only then does any of it make sense. The past couple months of my life have consisted of exactly that. I look at what by the grace and mercy of God which pieces of my life that have not been removed. My husband. My prayerful, loving, and providing husband. My children. My priceless, smart, and compassionate children. Family and friends with new babies, new jobs, new goals and new encouragement and love they are to me each day without even knowing it at times. And, above all else, my beautiful Savior.

...our usual impromptu family golf outing this week...


The past month for Justin's physical therapy company has hands down been the busiest and most profitable month in all the 5 years they have been in business. They have been blessed with the opportunity of helping more patients day to day and week to week than ever before. '..and my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus..' Phil. 4:19 A verse He has continued to lay on my heart. In tears and on my knees, I knew exactly what He has been trying to tell me. This is where He wants me, for good. Oh I love my work. I love it so very much. I love it enough to have an entire post devoted just to allow me to "count the ways:)" But did I begin to seek my approval there and from 'man' more than from Him? Yes. Did that become a priority at times over what ultimately matters? Yes. And did I begin to love it and my will and desire more than my Creator's will for my life? Yes. Comfort #5 removed.

...making memories...




The night before last I began the sentence a total of 3 times before I gained clearance over the lump in my throat and forced the words out of my mouth to Justin, "I'm done with work." A rush of uncontrollable tears followed my speech then as they follow my typing now. This isn't what I'm used to, it isn't what I know and it definitely isn't what I had planned. From the age of 14 I've been working at this profession hoping my Dad would know I was beautiful, my Mom would know I was independent, my siblings to know I was consistent, my family to know I wasn't a failure, my husband to know I was smart, my children to know I was great, and my friends to know I was successful. But God knew all that to be true before and without the approval of people but through death of His precious Son to give me this life. And amidst all the unknown I have faith that God is used to this, He knew this would happen and this is His plan.

..AT THE CROSS YOU BECKON ME
YOU DRAW ME GENTLY TO MY KNEES, AND I AM
LOST FOR WORDS SO LOST IN LOVE
I AM SWEETLY BROKEN WHOLLY SURRENDERED..

Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle. A song that I have sang and prayed with many times over the years but have never truly experienced until now. In complete surrender and brokeness I look up and see so completely how we can never look to things or each other for our purpose because it's not found there. It's found in Him and only Him and specifically planned from Him for each of us. And I realize it's a daily walk and relationship. I know that He constantly has a plan for us and it's usually not what we think is next. Sometimes these seasons are shorter but usually longer than what our own patience provides. Which is exactly why He makes the point so many times, 'I realize you can't but what I want you to realize is I can so, please, just trust Me.' Romans 8:28 is one of the verses that assures us that ALL things work together for good for those who trust Him.

...love these moments...






Well, if you're still with me as I type these last few words I just want to say God bless you! I know it's a whole heap of a lot to take in a little more than 8 paragraphs, I've had 8 months and I'm still shaking:) I'll leave now with, you guessed it, a link to a song. This has been the one that has brought all this full circle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ-fghqc8Oo

...our other favorite family outing lately, Kennesaw Mountain. a little <>< as a reminder to look anywhere and everywhere for a reminder of Jesus and His presence...

...and my favorite view from the mountain..not from the top looking down but from the bottom looking up. there's a lot of darkness and things we can't see but the bright light of the "Son" always breaks right through...



Hope you all have a beautiful blessing of a weekend:)

talk soon...<>< april